Personal Struggle

I am reflecting on myself lately, wondering why I am like this and that... What prompted me to do a "personality check" is the way I see people around me. They always seem surprised of the way I deal with them. It's not a big deal, though, if they literally know me just recently. But it's the other way around. These people I am talking about have spent the many years of their lives with me. Some may be a year or two, but for those years, I am confident that they have known much about me. So they are supposed to be used to it, I mean the way I am.

As I was busy with all these thoughts, I feel like battling with my own self. I was hesitant to cast blame on myself either. Right then when I realized that I have this so-called "personal struggle". Yes, it's a struggle for I have not known myself yet that much. That could be the reason why many aren't able to understand me.

Since it's a "personal struggle," I have to be brave enough to search for myself even if it will mean hurting my ego. I have to, or else I will never be truly happy for my entire life...I shouldn't be deceived by the smiles and laughters I am able to make, for these aren't really the bases of true happiness. True happiness doesn't have to rely on others, but to your very self. It has to be serene without needing others to make you smile and laugh. It all starts with yourself, and reflects on others.

Those were the pop-ups I've come up with as I discharged myself from sanity. But the struggle isn't yet through. I still have to get myself busy with these thoughts. The battle is so stiff so I need to strive harder. But more importantly, I was able to realize this earlier and has made my first step. It's not yet too late for me...

P.S.

I will be posting more of these struggle thing...